Lights

Imagine a circle of shimmering lights in a blue black sky. The lights are many colours and many strengths and each time one of the lights starts to lose its glow it moves closer to another light and gains power. So all these lights are reliant on each other, feeding off each other. The blue light is very beautiful. The red light is hot. The black light has dark secrets. And so on. Now imagine a group of friends coming together after a long absence and nothing and everything has changed. Their lives are all different and they are all sporting different colours, but still feeding off each other. Here is where my MS journey takes another turn. I hate to give credit to Facebook but I guess in one fell swoop it has changed my life. I was floating in a dark space, alone and lonely. I kept writing but didn’t have anyone to talk to. And then Vince and Paul, Tannis B, Tanis M, Eric, Cathy, Silvia and especially Ric said hello. Will you be my friend? OK. Hello old friends. And they cuddled up to me on Facebook and said we’re going to move a little closer now, your light is fading. And breath came back into my lungs mid-flight. Everything became stronger, including my legs. Proving that we really do need each other and solo-flights are highly over rated.

Yes there have been changes since my angioplasty. My sister Jane thinks they are phenomenal! I think I am still optimistically cautious. Good days, great days. No really bad days unless my emotions get in the way. One thing I have learned along the way is this: if your emotions are in a tizzy, if you are neurotic like me, it will affect your legs. Weird science.

The first night back in my own bed, lying with a pillow under my knees, my legs started to tingle. And then they burned so that it was almost uncomfortable. Blood flow?

November 13th we went out to dinner (me without a cane), and when we got home and I was relaxing there was something very odd. I took off my socks and my right foot was bright red and almost hot to touch. My left foot was white and cool. Hummm. This has since happened one other night.

Yesterday I felt amazing. I stretched on the rug with Ella Grace working on my balance. My energy level is way up there! My only problem is that I am trying to do too much at once.

Something dawned on me yesterday. I just turned 46 and I am not a kid. I don't have to feel like a kid. It will take me a bit longer to feel myself again. And that's ok. That makes me slow down a little and realize I must be patient.

Ella wants to make snowballs on the deck, gotta fly! More later.
Sher

new legs? not yet

We live in a time of quick fixes, fast food, and I want it now!
My procedure went incredibly well and yet I have not climbed Mount Everest, yet.
I had both juggulars balooned and my Azygous vein in my chest (that did smart a little)Ouch! I said under the influence of Valium.

I spoke with the Dr. Siskin. He said "call me Gary." Incredibly nice docs and nurses. I can't say enough about them. Excellent place to go for angioplasty.

Dr. Mandato and a nurse Practitioner (Chris) did the procedure. They were awesome. Today I woke up and did not feel like I had been hit by a truck and that's a good thing. Baby steps. That's what it is all about . And hope.

I am typing in the dark. This won't go on for long - my eyes are bugging out. Today is Nov 1st - the big day. I'm going to take my camcorder with me to the procedure to see if they'll let me roll it while they fish around my veins. This is what we have come to - this is the new normal in operating theatres; "say can I bring some high tech equipment in with me while you do your work, honestly it's small, it won't get in your way." We are so bold these days, like Americans. And guess who is doing the angioplasty procedure? Big bold Americans, and I couldn't love them more. I am looking forward to meeting Dr. Mandato. We joked about George Clooney playing him in the movie. I think after this whole CCSVI/MS veins versus auto immune madness settles down and doctors begin to publish their work, there must be a movie made. it will be a co-production with the U.S. and Canada of course.

Lon is going to record me walking down the hall today. Maybe I'll try to run, yeah right. You know, I'm feeling fine. I have come to terms with this. But if I can lose the fatigue that would be awesome. Whatever, I'm just going down the road. I stuck my thumb out to the passing cars and one stopped. Thanks for the lift buddy, don't mind if I do. Stay tuned....more to come.
Peace out,
Sher

Fundraiser & Brother Mike

It is Thursday Oct 28th. We leave for Albany Sunday (Halloween).
I got a call today from Nancy, a Nurse Practitioner in Albany. She advised me to take the Valium, because "it'll take the edge off." So I think I will. Sister Mary says to do it just for the high. Once she had to take Valium and it stayed with her 'til the next day when she found herself giggling in her aerobics class and feeling no pain.

My Mom held a fundraiser for me by contacting my siblings and gently twisting their arms. This is why it is awesome to come from a big family. Well wishes and inspirational thoughts all round. With a big family you don't have to go far for a fuundraiser. And it will help immensely. Now that takes the edge off.

My brother Mike just called. We have a special connection. He's going on a spiritual retreat on the Magaguadavic river and I get that. He has a camp that he built on that river and for a month he is going there alone to get back in touch with himself and the river. The Magaguadavic is a spirit place. You can feel the purity and peace. I think it changes people. You can be close to God there - if you only listen. Michael is going there to listen.

Surrender

Surrender. I love that word. I said a prayer to St. Joseph today and that was part of my petition. Can you pray for more than one thing in a sitting? I prayed for peace in my heart and for the ability to surrender to the will of God. And I think it's working. Then I looked at a small prayer sitting on my dresser across the room -it sits like a little book etched in glass. It was from Charlotte. Imagine that. I have carted it with me from house to house and it has survived. It is the Serenity Prayer, you know the one. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." So my day has started off on the right foot. And this all before I have let the dogs out and sang to the the girl.I sing her "Morning has Broken" mostly every day. Today is Tuesday and on Sunday we travel to Albany, New York. On Monday November 1st I will have the angioplasty procedure. Monday is All Saints Day and my friend Father Mark says that's a good thing. He says all the Saints will be praying for me. Cool. Father Mark is one of the good guys. I wish they were all like that.
Peace out,
Sher

October 7, 2010 and countdown to Liberation!
I've been working at the College and I have been so god-awful tired. Don't get me wrong, I love the work and I want to continue working there but the fatigue is a tough one. I only teach there two mornings a week but after work on Wednesday I can barely breathe. I drag my body through the campus trying to remember what it was like when I was strong. I try to conjure images of me capable and fearless. Was I ever like that? I thought I was. I have been kicked on my butt by this and still it will not take me. It will not win. Last week I had to pick up a 5 page test for 100 students. Heavy. It was pouring rain and I had a cane. A nice woman, weathered and kind, suggested I hang the blue Georgian bag I was carrying over my head. Is this funny or pathetic? The students don't care, they don't even notice. They are busy huddling under the awning and sucking on their smokes. They don't care. So I head to the car, bag over head, leather purse slung over my shoulder and cane in right hand. The weather is fierce. Wind blowing, rain stinging, god-pushing fierce. I figure this is my Everest, my mountain to climb. Epiphany. See, we all have our challenges, it is relative. I am not an Olympian. But on this day I am a survivor, and I will make it to the safety of my dry car.